Saturday, September 26, 2015

I've lost all faith in Lana Del Ray: a tragic story of love lost, betrayal, and the hip new kid on the block that's stolen my gay heart

Okay kids. So recently Lana Del Ray, wannabe crack whore and glam-pop star released a much anticipated album. If you are a Lana fan you can imagine my excitement- suddenly there would be even more of this lovely lady to listen to, however it was not to be.....

Do not be fooled by the lovely red, white, and blue cover art. Honeymoon, is a far fall for the redhead. It's like she was listening to sound music, Bond orchestral, and taking her vocal cues from Gregorian choir boys meowing when the inspiration for this album struck her. 
"Cute Choir Boys Meowing Soulfully" 
Now. I can't completely bash Honeymoon. It has some merits, I'm personally fond of "Art Deco" and the following interlude "Burnt Norton." But on the whole I've seen burnt tortillas that are more interesting than most of the rest of the album. I mean if you were going to get stoned to it (not that I'm promoting getting stoned, but to each their own), then maybe it would be okay. But from the woman who brought us this: 
"Blue Jeans" 
And Ultraviolence, with tracks like "Florida Kilos", "Brooklyn Baby", and "Shades of Cool"- to name a few-- 
I am vastly underwhelmed. 

But it does not do to dwell (but I'm totally going to anyway, because I feel personally betrayed by Lana), when there are much better albums recently released to be psyched about. I am of course speaking about Halsey, the beautiful blue haired angel that has graced us with her first big album: 

Badlands is prolific, on several scales. The production scale to start. Not only does it have its own teaser trailer, which was released a few weeks before the album, but the videos that we've seen so far are stunningly beautiful: 


"New Americana" 

And the music itself is dynamic and edgy. It's fresh and relatable, And it's all distinctly Halsey. Her sound is unique and fluid, with a hard edge of truth and reality. If you liked Blurryface or American Beauty/American Psycho you'll love BADLANDS. 

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Six SHOCKING Examples Of Brand New Band Jr Jr Stealing From Indie-Pop Legend Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr

Last week I discovered the band Jr Jr and fell in love instantly. I was listening to them all the time. I mean, how often do you find a band that's good at beep-booping and guitar?  And I was so excited for their album coming out on September, 25th! But then I realized how similar it sounded to my other favorite band, Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. That's when it hit me, and boy was I floored. Jr Jr stole all of their songs! And even worse Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr isn't even on spotify or iTunes anymore, which must mean they were so hurt by this that they quit music altogether! I decided to compile this list of all the times Jr Jr ripped off Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. 

1. Their Sound!

Just listen to that! Those beep-boops and guitars and heart melting guitars are classic Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. They literally invented that music style. I tried to email Jr Jr's college professors to get them expelled for plagiarism, but kept coming back as some sort of mailer-daemon, which sounds to me like Jr Jr is also tied up in Satanism. I'm telling you, they are pure evil. 
What the Hell, Jr Jr?

2. Their Lyrics!

This is where the theft starts to get blatant. Jr Jr is stealing the words straight from Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr songs!

 Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr (original)                                                                Jr Jr (stolen)

Dale Ain't Too Happy Right Now

3. Their Album Covers!
Look at these side by side comparisons and tell me they aren't stolen! They just crudely photoshopped their names on! Jr Jr even stole the font!

Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr (orginal)                                                                Jr Jr (fake)

You think I don't see what you're doing, boy?

4. Their Name!

They thought they could away with something so heinous as stealing the name of an indie darling like Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr, but I noticed. I am calling you out, sickos. I am tracking you down and bringing you to justice. Just wait and see. 
You're getting what's coming to ya, Jr Jr

5. Their Band Members!

Here is where it gets truly SHOCKING! Jr Jr wasn't content just leeching off of the genius that Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr worked so hard to cultivate. They could have just stolen their sound, lyrics, albums, and their name and gotten by, but no. They had to steal the band members themselves. I don't know what kind of held-at-gunpoint stuff is going on here, but somehow Jr Jr is forcing them to perform like some sad group of organ grinder monkeys. 

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on Jr Jr. At least they steal from the best. And now that Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr doesn't exist anymore, where else will I get my beep-boop/guitar/dreamy vocals that I love so much? I hate myself for it, but I might have to buy their new album on September, 25th. I hope the cashier accepts tear soaked bills. 

 I guess if you can't beat em, join em.