Saturday, September 26, 2015

I've lost all faith in Lana Del Ray: a tragic story of love lost, betrayal, and the hip new kid on the block that's stolen my gay heart

Okay kids. So recently Lana Del Ray, wannabe crack whore and glam-pop star released a much anticipated album. If you are a Lana fan you can imagine my excitement- suddenly there would be even more of this lovely lady to listen to, however it was not to be.....

Do not be fooled by the lovely red, white, and blue cover art. Honeymoon, is a far fall for the redhead. It's like she was listening to sound music, Bond orchestral, and taking her vocal cues from Gregorian choir boys meowing when the inspiration for this album struck her. 
"Cute Choir Boys Meowing Soulfully" 
Now. I can't completely bash Honeymoon. It has some merits, I'm personally fond of "Art Deco" and the following interlude "Burnt Norton." But on the whole I've seen burnt tortillas that are more interesting than most of the rest of the album. I mean if you were going to get stoned to it (not that I'm promoting getting stoned, but to each their own), then maybe it would be okay. But from the woman who brought us this: 
"Blue Jeans" 
And Ultraviolence, with tracks like "Florida Kilos", "Brooklyn Baby", and "Shades of Cool"- to name a few-- 
I am vastly underwhelmed. 

But it does not do to dwell (but I'm totally going to anyway, because I feel personally betrayed by Lana), when there are much better albums recently released to be psyched about. I am of course speaking about Halsey, the beautiful blue haired angel that has graced us with her first big album: 

Badlands is prolific, on several scales. The production scale to start. Not only does it have its own teaser trailer, which was released a few weeks before the album, but the videos that we've seen so far are stunningly beautiful: 


"New Americana" 

And the music itself is dynamic and edgy. It's fresh and relatable, And it's all distinctly Halsey. Her sound is unique and fluid, with a hard edge of truth and reality. If you liked Blurryface or American Beauty/American Psycho you'll love BADLANDS. 

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Six SHOCKING Examples Of Brand New Band Jr Jr Stealing From Indie-Pop Legend Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr

Last week I discovered the band Jr Jr and fell in love instantly. I was listening to them all the time. I mean, how often do you find a band that's good at beep-booping and guitar?  And I was so excited for their album coming out on September, 25th! But then I realized how similar it sounded to my other favorite band, Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. That's when it hit me, and boy was I floored. Jr Jr stole all of their songs! And even worse Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr isn't even on spotify or iTunes anymore, which must mean they were so hurt by this that they quit music altogether! I decided to compile this list of all the times Jr Jr ripped off Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. 

1. Their Sound!

Just listen to that! Those beep-boops and guitars and heart melting guitars are classic Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr. They literally invented that music style. I tried to email Jr Jr's college professors to get them expelled for plagiarism, but kept coming back as some sort of mailer-daemon, which sounds to me like Jr Jr is also tied up in Satanism. I'm telling you, they are pure evil. 
What the Hell, Jr Jr?

2. Their Lyrics!

This is where the theft starts to get blatant. Jr Jr is stealing the words straight from Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr songs!

 Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr (original)                                                                Jr Jr (stolen)

Dale Ain't Too Happy Right Now

3. Their Album Covers!
Look at these side by side comparisons and tell me they aren't stolen! They just crudely photoshopped their names on! Jr Jr even stole the font!

Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr (orginal)                                                                Jr Jr (fake)

You think I don't see what you're doing, boy?

4. Their Name!

They thought they could away with something so heinous as stealing the name of an indie darling like Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr, but I noticed. I am calling you out, sickos. I am tracking you down and bringing you to justice. Just wait and see. 
You're getting what's coming to ya, Jr Jr

5. Their Band Members!

Here is where it gets truly SHOCKING! Jr Jr wasn't content just leeching off of the genius that Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr worked so hard to cultivate. They could have just stolen their sound, lyrics, albums, and their name and gotten by, but no. They had to steal the band members themselves. I don't know what kind of held-at-gunpoint stuff is going on here, but somehow Jr Jr is forcing them to perform like some sad group of organ grinder monkeys. 

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on Jr Jr. At least they steal from the best. And now that Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr doesn't exist anymore, where else will I get my beep-boop/guitar/dreamy vocals that I love so much? I hate myself for it, but I might have to buy their new album on September, 25th. I hope the cashier accepts tear soaked bills. 

 I guess if you can't beat em, join em.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

A Whip Ain't Complete Without An ION MaxLP

Ayyyy, muchachos. Doctor McNinja here. First of all, I want to start this post by greeting my legions of loyal fans in Florida who manage to have time to read my posts during their down time from fending off bath salts zombies, riding alligators, and staring longingly at your sisters/cousins. Just kidding Florida. We love you.

Anyway, on to the meat underneath my Florida-shaped bun. Recently I was ghost-riding-the-whip in my bitchin' 2003 Chevy Malibu (Check my post abou6t record releases moving to Friday to see it in all it's glory), when I realized I was missing something. Sure, I had  Owl Cities new album (my review: 12 stars way up!) blasting in said whip, but it didn't feel right. After punching a few nerds at Von's for information, they told me that State Street is a very busy road, I needed to stay in my vehicle at all times while it is in motion, and to stop crashing it into their building. That's when I locked eyes with an ION Max LP™ record player, and from there it was history.  I new that I wanted to be a vinyl nerd too. 

The Max LP™ has everything. A dope dust cover, built in speakers, and a wooden base than matches the paneling in my whip. But, man, I don't have $5k to drop on a record player right now. I just had neon underglow and a roof floodlight installed on my whip so I can ghost-ride at night. Wait a second, is that sticker right? Only $119.99? And there are other models for only $89.99? Well, good luck to you other suckers, because I bought three, And I bought three copies of that new Owl City album. Now I can have three records going at once while I ghost-ride, and I don't feel so empty anymore. 


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Two New Singles on Heavy Rotation in the Von's Dungeon... Oops! Three! Three Singles!

Deerhunter - Snakeskin

Low - What Part of Me

Low- No Comprendre

Low's One's and Sixes wil be in stock and on sale on Friday, September 11.

If you don't buy it, people will talk.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Shifty's Monthly Album Overview List: June Strikes Back :')

Hey remember when when I personally challenged June to come up with some good music? Well, June came through and embarrassed me. Shifty: 0, June: 1. Shifty is still feeling like a proud dad right now, cause I think that it's my fault that the music in June was so good. You're welcome. Shifty also feels like personally attacking months of the year isn't really a great idea, because months take those attacks seriously. This is a list of the bands that put out some really good music in June. The albums that I #liked get one seal of approval and the albums that I #likedliked get two seals of approval. This month's seal of approval is particularly fantastic.



Bully- Feels Like
-Some of them rocks and rolls that your parents talk about. When I listen to this album, it FEELS LIKE (I rarely feel) this album is a good album.

Girlpool- Before the World Was Big
-This album really pulls me in. It feels really small, and it just makes me smile (I rarely smile). It kind of feels like the bass and the guitar are kinda dueling each other or something. And the dual vocals are just fantastic. Very sweet and syrupy.

Sun Kil Moon- Universal Themes
-Mark Kozelek comes through with another wonderful and personal album. He threw in some electric guitar, Steve Shelley on the drums, and some extra shouty lyrics and in the end it really worked out. Most of the songs are over 7 minutes, and it really takes a focused listen in order to catch all of the lyrics and themes of the album. In the end I enjoyed this album a lot, but not as much as Benji or the first half of Among the Leaves (which is his best work in my opinion).

Thundercat- The Beyond/ Where the Giants Roam
-The whole Brainfeeder crew has been on point lately. Flying Lotus's album last year, Kamasi Washington's album earlier this year, and they handled a lot of the instrumentation on To Pimp a Butterfly as well. Thundercat is striking while the fire is hot, and he delivers a quality ep.

Wavves x Cloud Nothings- No Life For Me
-Oh hey look, two of my favorite bands made a collaborative album. Is any good? Yes it is son. Yes it is. Also, I like how both bands kind of went back to their roots for this. I was kind of expecting it to be a lot more influenced by Cloud Nothings' recent output, but this is a pleasant surprise.



Czarface- Every Hero Needs a Villain
-Czarface is a collaboration Wu Tang Clan member Inspectah Deck and the duo of 7L & Esoteric. This is the second album made by the trio, and this one does exactly what it's predecessor(Czarface) didn't. It is actually good. It's production is like a mix between RZA and MF DOOM production. It's got some of the best punchlines of the year (I rarely laugh) and a really great cast of features. DOOM's verse is his best in a long time.......... and it's villainous as can be. This is seriously like my favorite Inspectah Deck release ever.

Jamie XX- In Colour
-This is a fantastic electronic album that is very varied. Jamie blends a lot of different components and it ends up being like a mix between house music and garage music. Jamie goes all the way in. So far, this is my favorite electronic album this year. Lately I've been asking myself, "What makes a good album?" The answer for me, I guess is that it's gotta have bangers. Oh boy does this album have bangers. All 11 of the songs on this album are bangers. So naturally, this album is gonna be #likedliked.

Vince Staples- Summertime '06
-This is a great album. A lot of people complain that Vince has a kind of monotone voice. I don't really think that takes away from how great he is. This album has fantastic production and the beats really play to Vince's strengths. It's very catchy and it also has a lot of substance. I'm not sure why he separated the album and made it a double album. Back in my day, 60 minutes of music didn't warrant a double album......