Ayyyy, muchachos. Doctor McNinja here. First of all, I want to start this post by greeting my legions of loyal fans in Florida who manage to have time to read my posts during their down time from fending off bath salts zombies, riding alligators, and staring longingly at your sisters/cousins. Just kidding Florida. We love you.
Anyway, on to the meat underneath my Florida-shaped bun. Recently I was ghost-riding-the-whip in my bitchin' 2003 Chevy Malibu (Check my post abou6t record releases moving to Friday to see it in all it's glory), when I realized I was missing something. Sure, I had Owl Cities new album (my review: 12 stars way up!) blasting in said whip, but it didn't feel right. After punching a few nerds at Von's for information, they told me that State Street is a very busy road, I needed to stay in my vehicle at all times while it is in motion, and to stop crashing it into their building. That's when I locked eyes with an ION Max LP™ record player, and from there it was history. I new that I wanted to be a vinyl nerd too.
The Max LP™ has everything. A dope dust cover, built in speakers, and a wooden base than matches the paneling in my whip. But, man, I don't have $5k to drop on a record player right now. I just had neon underglow and a roof floodlight installed on my whip so I can ghost-ride at night. Wait a second, is that sticker right? Only $119.99? And there are other models for only $89.99? Well, good luck to you other suckers, because I bought three, And I bought three copies of that new Owl City album. Now I can have three records going at once while I ghost-ride, and I don't feel so empty anymore. ☻♥
**VONS RECORDS HERE. DESPITE DOCTOR MCNINJA'S "HELPFUL" CLAIMS WE DO STILL HAVE MORE ION TURNTABLES IN STOCK AS WELL AS CROSLEYS AND THIRD MAN RECORDS PLAYERS. COME PICK ONE UP TODAY! ALSO WE WOULD LIKE TO SINCERELY APOLOGIZE TO THE CITIZENS OF FLORIDA.**