A Whip Ain't Complete Without An ION MaxLP

Ayyyy, muchachos. Doctor McNinja here. First of all, I want to start this post by greeting my legions of loyal fans in Florida who manage to have time to read my posts during their down time from fending off bath salts zombies, riding alligators, and staring longingly at your sisters/cousins. Just kidding Florida. We love you.

Anyway, on to the meat underneath my Florida-shaped bun. Recently I was ghost-riding-the-whip in my bitchin' 2003 Chevy Malibu (Check my post abou6t record releases moving to Friday to see it in all it's glory), when I realized I was missing something. Sure, I had  Owl Cities new album (my review: 12 stars way up!) blasting in said whip, but it didn't feel right. After punching a few nerds at Von's for information, they told me that State Street is a very busy road, I needed to stay in my vehicle at all times while it is in motion, and to stop crashing it into their building. That's when I locked eyes with an ION Max LP™ record player, and from there it was history.  I new that I wanted to be a vinyl nerd too. 

The Max LP™ has everything. A dope dust cover, built in speakers, and a wooden base than matches the paneling in my whip. But, man, I don't have $5k to drop on a record player right now. I just had neon underglow and a roof floodlight installed on my whip so I can ghost-ride at night. Wait a second, is that sticker right? Only $119.99? And there are other models for only $89.99? Well, good luck to you other suckers, because I bought three, And I bought three copies of that new Owl City album. Now I can have three records going at once while I ghost-ride, and I don't feel so empty anymore. ☻♥

**VONS RECORDS HERE. DESPITE DOCTOR MCNINJA'S "HELPFUL" CLAIMS WE DO STILL HAVE MORE ION TURNTABLES IN STOCK AS WELL AS CROSLEYS AND THIRD MAN RECORDS PLAYERS. COME PICK ONE UP TODAY! ALSO WE WOULD LIKE TO SINCERELY APOLOGIZE TO THE CITIZENS OF FLORIDA.**

**BREAKING NEWS: NEW MUSIC TO NOW DEBUT ON FRIDAYS** Now to Doctor McNinja With His Nearly Unintellig Expose.

**WARNING: THESE ARE THE RAMBLINGS OF A VERY DISTURBED AND DERANGED MAN WHO IS TRYING HIS HARDEST TO EXPLAIN THAT MUSIC RELEASES HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED TO FRIDAY'S INSTEAD OF THE STANDARD TUESDAY. PROCEED IF YOU DO NOT VALUE YOUR SANITY**

Since forever ago, people have loved listening to music. A little bit after that, we started putting that music on CDs so that we could hear it more than once. I think that was a pretty good decision. Now I don't get so bored when I'm driving around in my 2003 Chevy Malibu (photo enclosed below).

Yeah, that's right. I'm rolling with 2003 Chevy Malibu money. *actual 2003 chevy malibu experience may vary.

But there is a problem with recording music and putting it down on CDs.  It costs more than just playing the music out loud. They're easy to break and sometimes people steal them. I'm told the stealing part has something to do with computers, but every time someone brings up computers I call them a nerd and punch them in the face, and then they wont explain it to me anymore.

CDs are also really cool, too. Like that thing I told you about my bitchin' 2003 Chevy Malibu. Naturally, I started to build a pretty big CD collection. Like at least 4 or 5 of them. I've got Roy Orbison's "Greatest Hits" (all the cool kids are listening to it these days), The Best of Queen, The soundtrack to Captain Philips, and two copies of Owl City's "Ocean Eyes." My first copy broke after putting Firefly on repeat too many times.

I would have even more CDs, maybe even 7 or 8, but I can never figure out when new music comes out. I tried to go to Von's Records to see when that new Owl City album comes out, but this nerd named Tyler said he was going to look it up on the computer, and then I punched him and it turned into this whole thing where they escorted me out and told me I was drunk even though I only had like four beers. Anyway, after that mess, I heard some guy called Shifty talking about a blog post he just wrote. He was too far to punch, but he was talking about how new music is coming out on Friday's now. Apparently people were pirating CDs too much, so now the big record execs are putting out all music at the same time worldwide.

Pirating is a really confusing thing, I thought it was all guys with beards and peg legs and scurvy and wooden ships. But now a days, ships are metal and they don't shoot cannonballs anymore. Lame, right. But people still pirate. Especially in Somalia. Stealing CDs  must be pretty much most of their economy, because people are alway talking about them pirating. At least that's what Captain Philips told me. I really like that movie. The pirate guy was all "Hey guys, look! I'm Captain Philips." And then Captain Philips was like, "Nuh uh, I'm the oldest so I get to be Captain Philips! And then those Navy guys shot that pirate guy.

That's what would happen if you try to steal CDs. So instead you should go to Von's and try not to punch any of those nerds in the face. Make sure you pick up that new Owl City CD. I'm hoping it's Firefly for 12 tracks. I broke my repeat button in my 2003 Chevy Malibu, so that would make it so much easier for me. Oh, and tell them what you think about Captain Philips, my bitchin' 2003 Chevy Malibu, Owl City, and piracy.

Loves and Kisses,

Doctor McNinja